October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Many women have had miscarriages in some form or fashion, yet most never talk about it.
Somewhere along the way they were made to feel that a child didn’t exist or that it was too personal to talk about. Then there were women who felt they had to speak about their loss and no one seemed to understand their pain.
Grief is real and we need to be able to express it, not bottle it up and push it away.Grief is real and we need to be able to express it, not bottle it up and push it away.… Click To Tweet
Many post abortive women struggle with unrecognized grief as well. They have an abortion thinking their lives can go on and struggle with bouts of depression, grief, anger, and even suicidal thoughts. Repeatedly being told it was their choice, their right, these women don’t understand why they’re hurting.
After all, there’s no child to grieve.
Except that there is!
Once a child is conceived that little embryo is LIFE! That life inside a woman cannot be dismissed or ignored. Whether the child is born, miscarried, or aborted; life cannot be denied.Whether the child is born, miscarried, or aborted; life cannot be denied! #LIFE #miscarriage… Click To Tweet
Scientific studies have shown that fetal cells remain in a woman for decades helping the mother’s body heal in certain cases when it’s been wounded. You can read more about that HERE. A woman who has carried a child in her womb will always have a part of that child inside her. Physically and emotionally.
For women who miscarry or abort, they don’t have a child to see or to touch to make their grief make sense. For post abortive women, the guilt we feel for choosing to terminate a pregnancy often hinders our ability to accept the pain we feel. Once we accept that we ended a life we believe we deserve to feel pain, to hurt, but not to grieve the child. To allow ourselves to grieve means we have to offer ourselves forgiveness and that’s near impossible when you hate yourself for choosing abortion.
Women who miscarry can struggle with their feelings of grief because they believe they aren’t allowed to talk about it. It’s just a “natural” occurrence and they should move on and try again.
A mother who grieves her child can never just “move on.” We’ve been changed, we can’t just go back or move forward.
A mother who grieves her child can never just “move on.” We’ve been changed, we can’t just go… Click To Tweet
We have to grieve in order to heal.
So if you’re like me and you’ve had a miscarriage or an abortion, please know it’s ok to grieve the child you lost! Their existence is as real as their absence.
We may never understand why miscarriages, still birth, or infertility happens, but we can still trust in the God who sees us (Genesis 16:13). He wants to heal your broken heart (Psalms 147:3).
Walking in healing doesn’t mean you’ll stop grieving the child or the children you’ve lost; the blessings you miss. It just means the pain you feel won’t keep you paralyzed. You can grieve and continue to love your child.
At the end of the post abortive Bible studies I’ve done, we always have a memorial for our babies. Each mother gives her baby a name, lights a candle, some write letters or poems, and some even release balloons or plant a tree in their honor. If you’ve had a miscarriage, please consider doing this. Being able to say “goodbye for now” helps in the healing journey.
Bless you all! If there is any way I can pray for you or help you in your healing journey, please let me know! I would be honored! There are many resources for grieving parents of miscarriage and abortion regret.